I first encountered Melody Beattie’s Codependent No More two years ago. At that time, I was in a closed psychiatric ward in Israel. I was fragile, grieving, emotionally overwhelmed—and desperate to hold onto a connection that, deep down, I already knew was unsustainable.

At the time, I had developed a deeply meaningful relationship with someone from Iran. We exchanged letters—heartfelt, human, raw. It was a kind of soul friendship: quiet and borderless.

But I was an Israeli citizen.
They were an Iranian. They lived in a place where even peaceful communication with an Israeli could be seen as betrayal.

No matter how meaningful our connection was, my identity alone put them in danger. I became paranoid, terrified, emotionally unraveled. I cared deeply. But I couldn’t protect them. And I couldn’t protect myself.

So I had to let them go.
It broke me.

Melody Bettie helped me begin the process of releasing that bond. I was able to do it without collapsing into guilt or madness.

From Codependency to Graceful Disengage

Melody’s words gave me a foundation.
But I needed something more personal—less clinical, more ritualized.

So I created my own path: graceful disengage.

Not ghosting. Not rage. Not spectacle.
Just the steady, sacred choice to walk away with self-respect intact.

It was the only way I could say:

“This mattered deeply—but it cannot continue without breaking me.”

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When Love Isn’t Safe

Letting go of this relationship wasn’t about absence of love.
It was about context.
It was about mental health.
It was about the very real political and emotional danger that came with continuing our connection.

Sometimes love is not sustainable.
Sometimes it heightens paranoia.
Sometimes it opens up a psychic wound that can’t be closed.

And so, graceful disengagement becomes not abandonment, but self-preservation.

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Detachment vs. Disengagement

(Here you could expand—one or two sentences distinguishing Beattie’s “detachment” from your “graceful disengage.” For example: detachment sets a boundary; graceful disengagement creates a ritual exit.)

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A Pack of the Dispossessed

This year, during another stay in a psych ward, I reconnected with my inner caregiver.

I made chocolates and shared my food.
I joined in Muslim prayers, lit Shabbat candles, practiced mindfulness.

I found warmth in unexpected places—among ultra-Orthodox women and Palestinian patients.

And still, I often felt unseen—especially the part of me that finds spiritual meaning in everything.

But I remembered Melody.
And I remembered myself.

I no longer stay in places where my core is dismissed.
I no longer explain why my peace matters.

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What I Carry Now

I carry the memory of that pen-pal connection—with pain and reverence.
I carry Beattie’s teachings—with gratitude.
And I carry the phrase I made my own—the one that helped me survive: graceful disengage.

It is the ritual of letting go—
Without cruelty.
Without chaos.
And without giving anyone the power to decide when I walk away.