In the framework of self schizoanalysis, I perceive my body as both a private entity and a collective embodiment. My body symbolizes Israel; I am an Israeli, and in a broader metaphorical sense, I am Israel. This association encapsulates my existence as small yet constantly vigilant, surrounded by perceived threats. My borders, akin to the nation’s borders, demand protection, symbolizing my efforts to guard my personal integrity against external invasions.
My body, thus, transforms into a tool of resistance. It stands not for reproduction but for defiance, specifically against the occupation of the West Bank. Here, I embody a paradox: I am both the occupier and the occupied, a Jew and a Muslim. This duality mirrors the internal and external conflicts faced by Israel. I confront soldiers and policemen. They beat me. They arrest me. They hurl stun grenades and fire tear gas canisters. I provide human shields in order to de-arrest the Palestinians. The soldiers and policemen also defend me from terrorism and extremism. I rely on them. I call them and ask for help whenever I hear my neighbor beating his wife. My body is expropriated from me the same way Israeli authorities confiscate Palestinian homes and lands. I would share my bed with a Palestinian not for sex but for his right to return to his lands. But I am only safe behind my walls.
Moreover, my body is not my own; it is the state’s property. My body is expected to bear healthy male children so they can become soldiers. I resist this social imperative, condemning myself to exclusion from Israeli society, where being a parent is the key to participation.
When I see soldiers and policemen, I thank them for their service. I mourn their deaths as if they were my own children, recognizing their sacrifice of their own bodies against all instincts of self-preservation.
In my delusions of grandeur, I see myself as having a special role in making peace between Israel and the Palestinians. In my paranoid delusions, the Shin Bet and the Mossad are monitoring my social media activities. My mental illness is a private issue, yet my madness stems from being born into eternal war. Beyond my delusions of grandeur, I am helpless and in despair. I refuse to desensitize myself to death. I dissociate, poisoning myself with weed and antidepressants. I do not eat; I am hunger-striking. I do not sleep, because I am afraid of color red alerts and firecrackers exploding. I do not get out of the house as I am afraid of the civil war outside. I am a prisoner of conscience, involuntarily committed into an asylum. This is how I turn against myself towards self-destruction.
Through this lens, my acts of self-destruction can be seen as a manifestation of Israel’s internal strife, a nation turning against itself. This dialogue aligns with the themes explored in Deleuze and Guattari’s Anti-Oedipus, where the personal and political intertwine, reflecting the complex, multifaceted nature of identity and resistance.
In conclusion, my body, like Israel, is a site of constant negotiation between safety and vulnerability, resistance and reliance. Through self schizoanalysis, I uncover the intricate connections between personal experiences and broader political dynamics, revealing the profound impact of these dualities on my identity and existence.
Leafy sees 
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